When I first arrived in Argentina, I searched high and low for a woman's circle. I think I wrote about this before... using google to search for a circle in BA... I called up a woman whose site I had found on the internet, and asked her if she had a circle. She didn't. Lots of workshops and classes, but no regular circles. We spoke for a while, sharing our stories, and at some point she says, "Wait a minute... why don't you start a circle?" "What are you waiting for," she said, "the goddess herself to come knocking on your door?" I responded like a little girl. I think for her I tried to keep my cool, uh yeah, perhaps I'll do that... but inside I thought, no way, not me, where would I do it, I'm just a visitor, for pete's sake they speak spanish here.
Fast forward a few months: I had been sending out monthly emails to a group of women I'd met in a class, all saying, in short: whoops, sorry, not this month, I still can't find a space. Weird huh? How in this huge, gigantuous city, I could not find a space to host a circle. So convenient.
Fast forward to June-ish, and a young woman writes back to me, I have a space, let's do it... I say ok, great, yup, Friday it is. Then the internal critic, (those gosh darn vermicious knids of the mind,) starts in... blah, blah, yuck, yuck, you suck. This woman, Jaz, is somewhat of a flake, and we don't really confirm that we are doing a circle until Friday morning. The circle is supposed to take place that evening. I run around like a mad woman all day, gathering supplies, fighting the critic. She's telling me all day to just blow it off... run away! You're better off alone! I share my sentiments with Chris, who knows a thing or two about Jen, and he says, "You're going to go and then come home and tell me, 'Oh Chris it was so beautiful and so wonderful and the women are so amazing.'"
I facilitated the circle that night, there were five of us at its birth, and I came home and said, "Oh Chris it was so beautiful and so wonderful and the women were so amazing." And it really was... it was a beautiful birth. We sang, we danced, we released, we made magic candles. I realized that first night that this circle was not about me teaching, it was about me learning. As we held more circles, it became clearer and clearer: there was so much I could learn from these women. I had been nervous that they would think some of the rituals goofy, and I had thought I'd go slow... slowly bring them into the fold. Well, poop on me -- it was them who brought me in, fast and furious. They were/are so open, so ready for this kind of sacred play, so ready to release and act and participate and howl at the moon. Goofy? That was my thing...
By the fourth circle, I felt as though my vision for the circle had been fulfilled. Three of the women were so enthusiastic, they asked if they could participate in the creation of the circle each month. Of course, I said yes. It was a great opportunity for my ego to let go: this is my circle, these are my rituals, this is mine! It actually wasn't all that hard -- I saw that by letting go, I could ensure that this circle would continue on, long past my short stay here in Buenos Aires. And so, by the forth circle, I felt complete: this circle would grow and flourish... and my role was in birthing the circle. The sustenance of the circle was perhaps not my role...
Well, on Friday, I officially passed the torch. Even though the circle was sometimes created communally, I had been doing the facilitating. Well, this month I asked the other women to take charge. Actually, I was so extreme that I almost didn't go to the circle. (Must have been my critic again: run away!) But that would be like teaching someone to swim by throwing them in the middle of a pool -- doesn't feel all that safe when you're the one being thrown in... So, of course, I went, as a participant, and just to help embrace these women... give them something to lean up against. I bought the circle a cauldron, and officially passed on the fire. It was a beautiful circle, and they completely took on creating it for themselves, and with their vision. Even so there were sparks of me, sparks of Susan and the NY circle, sparks of the Spiral, sparks of Vishnu and ascension and my first circle of way back when... So full...
And so it is complete. I feel a lot of pride, but in a "look what came through me" kind of way. Perhaps it is more honor than pride actually, honored that somehow this little spark, ignited in NY (and before and since time immemorial), came with me to BA, and I could pass it on, and they will pass it on, and on, and on... It's like what I feel about Albie and his amazingness... I can't take credit for him, his greatness -- I am just touched and mystified that he came through me... Stevie says it best: "I can't believe what god has done, through us he's given life to one, isn't she lovely, made from love..."
Fast forward a few months: I had been sending out monthly emails to a group of women I'd met in a class, all saying, in short: whoops, sorry, not this month, I still can't find a space. Weird huh? How in this huge, gigantuous city, I could not find a space to host a circle. So convenient.
Fast forward to June-ish, and a young woman writes back to me, I have a space, let's do it... I say ok, great, yup, Friday it is. Then the internal critic, (those gosh darn vermicious knids of the mind,) starts in... blah, blah, yuck, yuck, you suck. This woman, Jaz, is somewhat of a flake, and we don't really confirm that we are doing a circle until Friday morning. The circle is supposed to take place that evening. I run around like a mad woman all day, gathering supplies, fighting the critic. She's telling me all day to just blow it off... run away! You're better off alone! I share my sentiments with Chris, who knows a thing or two about Jen, and he says, "You're going to go and then come home and tell me, 'Oh Chris it was so beautiful and so wonderful and the women are so amazing.'"
I facilitated the circle that night, there were five of us at its birth, and I came home and said, "Oh Chris it was so beautiful and so wonderful and the women were so amazing." And it really was... it was a beautiful birth. We sang, we danced, we released, we made magic candles. I realized that first night that this circle was not about me teaching, it was about me learning. As we held more circles, it became clearer and clearer: there was so much I could learn from these women. I had been nervous that they would think some of the rituals goofy, and I had thought I'd go slow... slowly bring them into the fold. Well, poop on me -- it was them who brought me in, fast and furious. They were/are so open, so ready for this kind of sacred play, so ready to release and act and participate and howl at the moon. Goofy? That was my thing...
By the fourth circle, I felt as though my vision for the circle had been fulfilled. Three of the women were so enthusiastic, they asked if they could participate in the creation of the circle each month. Of course, I said yes. It was a great opportunity for my ego to let go: this is my circle, these are my rituals, this is mine! It actually wasn't all that hard -- I saw that by letting go, I could ensure that this circle would continue on, long past my short stay here in Buenos Aires. And so, by the forth circle, I felt complete: this circle would grow and flourish... and my role was in birthing the circle. The sustenance of the circle was perhaps not my role...
Well, on Friday, I officially passed the torch. Even though the circle was sometimes created communally, I had been doing the facilitating. Well, this month I asked the other women to take charge. Actually, I was so extreme that I almost didn't go to the circle. (Must have been my critic again: run away!) But that would be like teaching someone to swim by throwing them in the middle of a pool -- doesn't feel all that safe when you're the one being thrown in... So, of course, I went, as a participant, and just to help embrace these women... give them something to lean up against. I bought the circle a cauldron, and officially passed on the fire. It was a beautiful circle, and they completely took on creating it for themselves, and with their vision. Even so there were sparks of me, sparks of Susan and the NY circle, sparks of the Spiral, sparks of Vishnu and ascension and my first circle of way back when... So full...
And so it is complete. I feel a lot of pride, but in a "look what came through me" kind of way. Perhaps it is more honor than pride actually, honored that somehow this little spark, ignited in NY (and before and since time immemorial), came with me to BA, and I could pass it on, and they will pass it on, and on, and on... It's like what I feel about Albie and his amazingness... I can't take credit for him, his greatness -- I am just touched and mystified that he came through me... Stevie says it best: "I can't believe what god has done, through us he's given life to one, isn't she lovely, made from love..."
So you know, well done me, well done us, thanks to the spirits for seeing to it that our sparks connected to ignite the great fire of this circle. For this last gathering one of the women's partners created a flier. I post it here, like a proud mama, showing off pictures of her one year old... Happiness and hugs all around...
Oh my goodness, this was a beautiful post. What an amazing poster; I love seeing the expression of the women that you drew in. They are so clearly inspired and already leaders...just so lovely what you created and that you were so willing to hand it over, not really to those women but to the divine feminine that was dancing in the space.
love,
Becca
Posted by: Becca | April 04, 2009 at 11:34 PM
testing
Posted by: Jen | May 13, 2009 at 01:52 PM