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December 03, 2006
Thoughts on being a boy
To mothers of boys, (maybe girls too...I haven't figured out if there is the same issue there)
We went to Target to get a pair of snowpants for school on Friday. It has been snowy, and Luca loves sitting in the snow. So, we find the rack with snowpants and I say "OK, Luca, pick which ones you want." He says, "I want the pink ones!!!!" Very excited. I pause. And pause some more. And then, "Umm, do you really want those ones?" "YES!" More pausing. Then, "Umm, maybe you could pick a different color?" "Why?" And then I said what I never really wanted to say, "Well, pink is for girls. Could you pick a different color?" He walked around the rack a couple of times and picked green-gray without any complaint.
Later, I really questioned my decision. Bill's response?? "Well, you don't want him to be made fun of at school." Of course he would say that. That was his issue with school. I dyed my hair purple and refused to wear dresses or skirts. I don't really have that particular issue. So, why is this such a big deal for me?
I guess that it is a coming of age that I am resisting. I don't want boys and girls to be in separate camps. That is my issue with school. I always hated the "boys are this way, girls are that way" mentality. So, I have to conform to society and keep Luca from having pink clothes because he won't fit in with the other boys.
He plays a lot with a boy named David at school. David's parents are a little different from the other parents and don't fit into the circle of parents as well. David came to school the other day wearing a tight yellow turleneck, purple leggings and big boots. I heard GraceAnn tell the teacher that David had decided that it was SuperHero day & that he wanted to be Larry the Cucumber. I was heartened that Luca would choose David as a friend, although I had suspected that he chose him because David would do what Luca wanted to do. Their game is to ride a tricycle that has two seats around the playground and yell, "Bad Bronco!" at anyone in their way. (the benefits of parent helping...I get to see these thing firsthand!) I asked Luca once if David ever drives the triclycle and Luca rides on back. He looked horrified and said, "NO! I drive the tricycle!" That could be the topic of another post...
I guess my biggest fear is that he becomes a football jock & hangs out with the "cool" people and makes fun of the theater/music people . Ok , I have revealed that it is totally my issue. Whether or not I dress him in pink, he will choose his way of being with the other kids at school. It was hard though to tell him that he couldn't buy the pink ones. I feel like I am talking in circles. Any input???
December 3, 2006 in Becca | Permalink
Comments
Hi Becca,
My only idea about the choosing pink, is to pick ones that you feel are more appropriate and have him select from those: do you want the green or orange ones? That way he's still choosing for himself.
I, too, struggle with the "boys this, girls that". Jonah comes home from school saying that boys have short hair, girls long, and I'm quick to point out examples of who we know that don't follow that. Trying to help him understand generalizations aren't always correct. Guess all we can do is to nurture the "compassionate to all however different" attitude.
Posted by: nicole | Dec 4, 2006 2:26:37 PM
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