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October 13, 2007
Expectations
I have always expected that if I sent Luca to a public school, I would be in the teacher's/principal's office frequently. "So, today, Luca did xxxx and then we talked with him and he shouted xxxx and there will of course be some consequences for this behavior..."
Why have I expected this? Probably from all the playgroups when parents came to me with "so, Luca just hit my child..." or "did you know that Luca did xxx?" or "so how do you handle it when Luca does xxx?" Or maybe it was stares that I got as he screamed in public...I vividly remember the first time I felt this at an infant massage class when he wouldn't stop crying. So, I have probably fed the situation as well with my own feelings of embarassment, frustration, wishing that he would just be one of those kids who plays quietly and smiles at everyone. Of course, it didn't help to have one of those kids right next door.
I do feel that I have grown considerably in this area. I started to agree with my mom, that I don't actually want a robotic child. Luca is fascinating, curious, passionate, determined...all those qualities one wants in an adult. But when he climbs up in a tree at preschool and drops his pants to pee, I haven't quite been able to drop the thought that I wish he could be just a little more like the others.
On a less humorous note, I feel some fear about putting him in school. I know deep down that I am not interested in homeschooling my children. Well, I said that about home birth at one point....but for now, it isn't a real option for me. I am afraid that Luca will get punished at school, or be ostracized for his behavior. When one corrects his behavior, one is usually met with a great deal of anger. I could say that this is a phase, behavior typical of a 4-year-old, except that it has been true since he was old enough to push a button on an elevator. (I have more elevator stories than you can imagine)
I feel that I have worked with him so diligently, looking for many different ways to approach him, that I could write a book about it. I don't have one technique that "works". I have many, many ways I approach him, depending on the topic/situtaion/people present/etc. I am working on honoring his sovereighnty, a new idea to me. So, if it takes this much work for me, and I am his mother and therefore extremely committed, what will happen at school?
On the bright side, he might match up with a teacher who finds it easy to honor his needs. Who is not put off by his reactions. Who doesn't use discipline as the only means to control their classrooms.
Where did this start? Well, we have parent/teacher conferences next week, and I signed up for a phone conference. (Mom is out of town, babysitter unavailable, etc.) The teacher pulled me aside the other day and asked if I would come in instead. So, we scheduled 8:30 PM appt. I am really in my head. What is so important that she would stay so late to see me personally? One of the other teachers said that it was important for her to be there too. Then, she started telling me about Luca's latest -- I am too tired -- when he doesn't want to come inside. He even got down on the floor and refused to go in for storytime. If you know Luca, he is never tired. Never. So, I ask him about it on the way home. He says," Yeah, that was my way of telling her that I didn't want to come inside. I hadn't found a worm yet." So I said, "Oh, it is your code?" He liked that. "Yeah! My code!" Well, I suggest that perhaps instead of saying something that wasn't true, he could just tell her that he didn't want to go in. He says, "But she let me stay out for five more minutes!" i.e. his strategy actually worked. (my father already has him pegged as a future lawyer)
So, I am headed in for the parent meeting on Monday night, grateful that Luca was willing to share his strategy with me. Who knows what we will brainstorm -- perhaps just some ideas about how to interest him in story time. What will the future hold? I am feeling pretty dang certain that a traditional academic school is not in our future. I don't know. I know that it will all work out. I just can't get over being so darn protective. I don't want him to be judged or misunderstood. But we all are...in fact, pretty much everyday, right?
October 13, 2007 | Permalink
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